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[ Stories: Witch-Girl (Read from the bottom of the list), The Canon ] [ Poetry: All Poetry; ( ♥ ) ( ⚔ ) ]
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[ red_a02 ] Shuzhen – The first episode was a lot of fun, cos it had an interesting cocktail of sexual tension and smooth fight choreography. This episode is like the awkward aftermath...
27 Aquarius 13 18:13
[ vermilion_2 ] YAPX – I understand that most of your stories are dialogue-based and heavy on retorts and counter-retorts. This one felt unnecessarily circular. It starts with a cool premise: a killer/villain/vigilante uses Lent to swear off something that should be second nature to him (I suppose), and then talks about a story. The link between the two (giving up killing & the story) isn’t a 100% fit. Maybe instead of “let me tell you a story”, it could be “hey, you see I even passed a guy up for death today!” or equivalent. Something to drag Lorelei into the banter and the premise. // That’s my only complaint. I’m not a big fan of dialogue-based stories, but I can make a exception for this.
14 Aquarius 13 08:03
[ 130204 ] YAPX – Good pace, good characters, great dialogue. The thing I like best is a combination of the three: how you build up their pseudo-relationship through all that back-and-forth exchange. Somehow, you craft a unique, strange relationship: from any one point in the story, both of them are manipulative, victimised and hypocrites - though not all at once. // On word choices, I felt you could change the word “janitor” (“cleaner” or “uncle” would’ve given a different, but more acute local flavour to it). Mostly because, it’s connotes an added level of difference through: class. Whether or not you intended it, by portraying the “janitor” and “student” you bring out the fact that he’s stuck there socially in all sense of the word. It made the part where he says he reads books during weekends completely out-of-context and weird. // Also, there’s too much “sliding” in and out of the room. Not sure if that’s intentional repetition, or just a lack of other words. // I thought that the girl’s own background is pretty compelling. Even after everything, I can’t tell if she’s speaking the truth. Because I’m all for unreliable narrators and characters, I can still find her well-thought out. But other readers might lose patience or wonder at her sudden change of heart at the final moment.
04 Aquarius 13 08:48
There is a certain all too human tragedy in seeing the mighty fall.
The once proud professional, a banker, say, turned beggar, foraging on the streets amongst the trash, perhaps chasing away a stray dog, that he might eat the dog’s food. His eyes are harried, darting about, and he seems afraid of everything, anything. But he is not afraid of being recognised, that person who shares his face is no longer him. He is afraid of shadows, and does not know that it is a shadow he has become.
You will feel the same tragedy as I tell you now of the caged bears. The mighty predators in cells so small they have to remain standing, a metal tube permanently stuck through their hides, sealed with a cork. Why? So that their bile may be harvested and sold.
You understand, yes, that there is a certain pain, a certain pity, that can only come from seeing a lion with its head held low, broken, offering a whine in place of a roar.
Today, we look upon the once-proud, and our ♥s go out to him.
Before he was domesticated by one M. Bay, before he was reduced to humping Megan Fox’s leg like an ill-kept mongrel, he was a cassette recorder, and, more than that, he was a giant robot. A giant fucking robot. He had gin’nah.
Today, we look upon Soundwave, and our ♥s go out to him.
234 words / 1510
Labour is blossoming or dancing where
The body is not bruised to pleasure soul.
Nor beauty born out of its own despair,
Nor blear-eyed wisdom out of midnight oil.
O chestnut-tree, great-rooted blossomer,
Are you the leaf, the blossom or the bole?
O body swayed to music, O brightening glance,
How can we know the dancer from the dance?
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