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[ Stories: Witch-Girl (Read from the bottom of the list), The Canon ] [ Poetry: All Poetry; ( ♥ ) ( ⚔ ) ]
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[ red_a02 ] Shuzhen – The first episode was a lot of fun, cos it had an interesting cocktail of sexual tension and smooth fight choreography. This episode is like the awkward aftermath...
27 Aquarius 13 18:13
[ vermilion_2 ] YAPX – I understand that most of your stories are dialogue-based and heavy on retorts and counter-retorts. This one felt unnecessarily circular. It starts with a cool premise: a killer/villain/vigilante uses Lent to swear off something that should be second nature to him (I suppose), and then talks about a story. The link between the two (giving up killing & the story) isn’t a 100% fit. Maybe instead of “let me tell you a story”, it could be “hey, you see I even passed a guy up for death today!” or equivalent. Something to drag Lorelei into the banter and the premise. // That’s my only complaint. I’m not a big fan of dialogue-based stories, but I can make a exception for this.
14 Aquarius 13 08:03
[ 130204 ] YAPX – Good pace, good characters, great dialogue. The thing I like best is a combination of the three: how you build up their pseudo-relationship through all that back-and-forth exchange. Somehow, you craft a unique, strange relationship: from any one point in the story, both of them are manipulative, victimised and hypocrites - though not all at once. // On word choices, I felt you could change the word “janitor” (“cleaner” or “uncle” would’ve given a different, but more acute local flavour to it). Mostly because, it’s connotes an added level of difference through: class. Whether or not you intended it, by portraying the “janitor” and “student” you bring out the fact that he’s stuck there socially in all sense of the word. It made the part where he says he reads books during weekends completely out-of-context and weird. // Also, there’s too much “sliding” in and out of the room. Not sure if that’s intentional repetition, or just a lack of other words. // I thought that the girl’s own background is pretty compelling. Even after everything, I can’t tell if she’s speaking the truth. Because I’m all for unreliable narrators and characters, I can still find her well-thought out. But other readers might lose patience or wonder at her sudden change of heart at the final moment.
04 Aquarius 13 08:48
I regularly commit the cardinal sins against feminism – I objectify their minds and dismiss their bodies (sometimes the other way around).
For some unfathomable reason (possibly La Nina), not one person has come out to say “You’re an unbearable (heehee ‘bear’) chauvanist! I’ll never read you again.”
Instead I get “i think i'm in love with you!” and “I have to say I love your writing style.” (emphasis added) (from Wendy and eStee, respectively.)
It’s “i think i'm in love with you!” and “I have to say I love your writing style.” (emphasis added)
Even so. I’m not bemoaning the lackluster state of the fawning adoration I receive (I am). It’s not like I expect girls to send me inappropriate pictures of themselves (I do).
Not only do I get lovelove comments, all my readers are female. I hit upon the motherlode of demographic targetting. No one has tried this before because it’s so silly (but no one before me has realised that girls are, by definition, silly!). You get girls to read you by offending them. It’s amazing but true.
I simply go around saying how attractive I am and they believe me because, well, they believe anything (like “buying this will make you thinner”). By the end of every post, their legs are open slightly wider than they were at the beginning.
At this point, I’ve realised that I’m giving out advice to people who will never read it, because, yes, all my readers are female.
As I said, silly.
Anyhow, here’s one for feminism!
Maxim UK’s 2005 Calendar, Nikkala Stott as Germaine Greer
Maxim UK’s 2005 Calendar, Jerri Byrne as Marie Sklodowska Curie
Okay, back to skydiving.
292 words / 4922
13 A first sign of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die.
This life seems unbearable; another unattainable. One is no longer
ashamed of wanting to die; one begs to be moved out of the old cell,
which one hates, into a new one which one must first learn to hate.
One is also moved by a certain residual faith that, during transport,
the master will happen to come along the corridor, look at the prisoner and
say: “This man is not to be locked up again. He comes to me.”
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