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[ Stories: Witch-Girl (Read from the bottom of the list), The Canon ] [ Poetry: All Poetry; ( ♥ ) ( ⚔ ) ]
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[ red_a02 ] Shuzhen – The first episode was a lot of fun, cos it had an interesting cocktail of sexual tension and smooth fight choreography. This episode is like the awkward aftermath...
27 Aquarius 13 18:13
[ vermilion_2 ] YAPX – I understand that most of your stories are dialogue-based and heavy on retorts and counter-retorts. This one felt unnecessarily circular. It starts with a cool premise: a killer/villain/vigilante uses Lent to swear off something that should be second nature to him (I suppose), and then talks about a story. The link between the two (giving up killing & the story) isn’t a 100% fit. Maybe instead of “let me tell you a story”, it could be “hey, you see I even passed a guy up for death today!” or equivalent. Something to drag Lorelei into the banter and the premise. // That’s my only complaint. I’m not a big fan of dialogue-based stories, but I can make a exception for this.
14 Aquarius 13 08:03
[ 130204 ] YAPX – Good pace, good characters, great dialogue. The thing I like best is a combination of the three: how you build up their pseudo-relationship through all that back-and-forth exchange. Somehow, you craft a unique, strange relationship: from any one point in the story, both of them are manipulative, victimised and hypocrites - though not all at once. // On word choices, I felt you could change the word “janitor” (“cleaner” or “uncle” would’ve given a different, but more acute local flavour to it). Mostly because, it’s connotes an added level of difference through: class. Whether or not you intended it, by portraying the “janitor” and “student” you bring out the fact that he’s stuck there socially in all sense of the word. It made the part where he says he reads books during weekends completely out-of-context and weird. // Also, there’s too much “sliding” in and out of the room. Not sure if that’s intentional repetition, or just a lack of other words. // I thought that the girl’s own background is pretty compelling. Even after everything, I can’t tell if she’s speaking the truth. Because I’m all for unreliable narrators and characters, I can still find her well-thought out. But other readers might lose patience or wonder at her sudden change of heart at the final moment.
04 Aquarius 13 08:48
Now this is exciting.
You know how you go through a bunch of random links every day and that’s pretty much it?
Well, one of those random links I was going through led to deviantart, which led me to click through my DA notices, and it happened that Lauren Montgomery was offering to do a very limited number of sketches for $20 and I managed to get one of the slots.
To understand how truly awesome this is, you have to understand that while $20 can buy you many awesome things (ie, bacon), not every $20 can buy you a sketch by the director of the one Green Lantern movie to watch if you’re ever going to only watch one Green Lantern movie ever (that’d be Green Lantern: First Flight).
What I mean to say is; She can really draw.
So, even though it wasn’t what she originally offered, she was kind enough to illustrate the character from the poem I am currently working on.
Such a lovely expression.
Serendipity is awesome.
Her blog is here.
It is really something when you give someone so little to work with and they come back with something awesome; I am floored by her ability.
As for the poem in question; I can’t seem to finish it. It’s a rewrite of the three Rub-a-Dub-Dubs I posted a few weeks ago into one epic poem.
Epic poetry always seems like an absolutely brilliant idea until you’re ¾ ways in and you wonder why you didn’t go with an ABAB scheme and how come you can’t find a word that rhymes with “down” that doesn’t sound forced.
Update, 220811: Finished!
265 words / 841
“I am the light that is over all things.
I am all:
all came forth from me,
and all attained to me.
Split a piece of wood,
and I am there.
Pick up a stone,
and you will find me there.”
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