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[ red_a02 ] Shuzhen – The first episode was a lot of fun, cos it had an interesting cocktail of sexual tension and smooth fight choreography. This episode is like the awkward aftermath...
27 Aquarius 13 18:13
[ vermilion_2 ] YAPX – I understand that most of your stories are dialogue-based and heavy on retorts and counter-retorts. This one felt unnecessarily circular. It starts with a cool premise: a killer/villain/vigilante uses Lent to swear off something that should be second nature to him (I suppose), and then talks about a story. The link between the two (giving up killing & the story) isn’t a 100% fit. Maybe instead of “let me tell you a story”, it could be “hey, you see I even passed a guy up for death today!” or equivalent. Something to drag Lorelei into the banter and the premise. // That’s my only complaint. I’m not a big fan of dialogue-based stories, but I can make a exception for this.
14 Aquarius 13 08:03
[ 130204 ] YAPX – Good pace, good characters, great dialogue. The thing I like best is a combination of the three: how you build up their pseudo-relationship through all that back-and-forth exchange. Somehow, you craft a unique, strange relationship: from any one point in the story, both of them are manipulative, victimised and hypocrites - though not all at once. // On word choices, I felt you could change the word “janitor” (“cleaner” or “uncle” would’ve given a different, but more acute local flavour to it). Mostly because, it’s connotes an added level of difference through: class. Whether or not you intended it, by portraying the “janitor” and “student” you bring out the fact that he’s stuck there socially in all sense of the word. It made the part where he says he reads books during weekends completely out-of-context and weird. // Also, there’s too much “sliding” in and out of the room. Not sure if that’s intentional repetition, or just a lack of other words. // I thought that the girl’s own background is pretty compelling. Even after everything, I can’t tell if she’s speaking the truth. Because I’m all for unreliable narrators and characters, I can still find her well-thought out. But other readers might lose patience or wonder at her sudden change of heart at the final moment.
04 Aquarius 13 08:48
It appears some morons are still under the impression that Otaku posted that sex doll picture under my influence.
This is in spite of my disavowals. Which gives the conclusion, of course, that these idiots actually know Otaku to be a spineless piece of shit who would do anything asked of him. Otherwise, why totally ignore the fact that I don’t need Otaku to call Soup a sex doll when I’m perfectly capable of doing that on my own? Obviously, their personal knowledge of Otaku’s weakness of will overrides my declarations to the contrary.
In the intervening time, Soup’s posse of wunderkind brothers are too busy fucking each other in the halo to notice that I don’t care about them any more. I don’t care that Soup is seeking to legitimise her little movement by seeking an NGO to support – which hopeless NGO out there needs pictures of people holding pictures of people?
Even if she does find an NGO, so fucking what? I eat my words? She did this after I pointed out that her little movement is nothing more than a bunch of worthless assholes trying to make themselves feel important. Ohhh, I’ve done good today. Soup posted my picture! The world is a better place. Uh-huh.
These bunch of dipshits actually managed to figure out my address. Good job, geniuses. It’s only posted EVERYWHERE on the net. Watcha gonna do, bad boy? Come find me? For fuck’s sake, I DARE YOU. If you bunch of losers aren’t total fucking cowards, come find me, we’ll settle this like men.
Let me show you how to be holier-than-thou. I’ve given more money to charity than the sum total cost of all the digital cameras used to take the emo pictures. Yes, actual thousands. Of dollars. So, instead of snooping, or writing idiotic emails so that Soup Can Write Idiot Posts, why don’t you lot just not go clubbing for one night and give that money away? Too difficult, isn’t it? Doesn’t stroke your ego the way having your picture taken does?
339 words / 1715
“Some deny the existence of misery by pointing to the sun; he denies the existence of the sun by pointing to misery.”
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