A few days ago, I came across 90 Day Jane (90dayjane.com / 90dayjane.blogspot.com). Since the site has been removed, this post has lotsa quotes.
The raison d’Ítre –
I am going to kill myself in 90 days. What else should i say? This blog is not a cry for help or even to get attention. It’s simply a public record of my last 90 days in existence. I’m not depressed and nothing extremely horrible has lead me to this decision. But, does it really have to? I mean, as an atheist I feel life has no greater purpose. My generation has had no great depression, no great war and our biggest obstacle is beating Halo 3. So, if I feel like saying “game over", why can’t I? Anyway, I hope you enjoy my thoughts as the clock runs out. Also, if blogspot takes this down before i’m gone just go to www.90dayjane.com. Please don’t attempt to “help” me. If you want to truly help, please send me ideas on how to do the deed. thx-Jane
Which was, of course, pretty damned cool. I thought it sounded like a performance art piece, you know, shocking and awful. But, if it were true, yeah, pretty damn cool. With that in mind, I emailed her.
You’ll probably be flooded by emails by now, but here’s to hoping you’ll read this.
In an age of selling one’s virginity on eBay and suicide-murder pacts, what you’re doing, for me, encapsulates everything that is right and wrong with our times.
“My generation has had no great depression, no great war and our biggest obstacle is beating Halo 3.”
What you fail to see in your statement is that humanity, through a great depression and two great wars, lived. Such is the triumph of our birthright that, while many, I am sure, killed themselves, many many more did not.
You live most of your life online, you said. So do I. I think it is the miracle of our age.
I am not going to ask you to stop. How can I, when what you are doing – gossamer and grotesque – so brilliantly serves as proof of the wonder that we live in. What power we have, through this Internet, that one may do as you as doing, and nothing and no-one can sway you from your course. What a marvel this is.
What a marvel, also, that I, here in Singapore, half the globe away from Hollywood, can bear witness.
In fact, it is necessary, vital, that you die. Any doubt in your mind and the experiment fails, the center cannot hold. If you know you will live, what point is there in your record? A flicker of doubt will shape your thoughts, move them away from the inevitability that gives your last words such distinct vibrancy.
A selfish thought, that, for I find your blog significantly better reading than the drivel that passes off as people’s lives. You obviously have an excess of intelligence and wit, something solely lacking in what people pass off as writing. It’s also nice to read someone who understands how grammar works.
Anyway, I’m just insomniac and I started writing this to ask if, hey, can we be friends? I don’t usually do this, but I understand that there’s a deadline.
I didn’t expect a reply and never got one. I wanted to blog it, but I thought I’d give her some time to flesh out her story first. I should have blogged it, because, now that it has turned out to really be an art piece, I’d have seemed so cool (unlike my attempts to predict the next US president).
Anyhow, the site has been brought down, and a malware copy has sprung up at 90-day-jane.blogspot.com. Seriously, don’t go there. However, the phish has a final post that isn’t on google’s cache of 90dayjane.com, which I shall quote here.
90DayJane is a personal art piece about me. It was meant for me and (what I ignorantly thought would be) a small number of people who might find it on BlogSpot. It is the result of me tapping into the darkest part of myself and seeing where it led.
What I have written and filmed, at its core, is from a place of truth. I am the girl in the videos. I have great disappointment with my generation and its obvious obsession with celebrity culture rather than their fellow man, thus the former Chuck Palahniuk reference.
I wanted this blog to be about personal discovery and truth. But the correspondences I have received have taught me more about those qualities than I could ever express. 90DayJane has become its own entity and has influenced me. In fact, it has changed my perspective as a human being.
I feel a massive sense of responsibility to my art, but more importantly the readers of this blog. My closeness to this project must have made art seem like reality to many people. That is not a reaction that I expected nor can I morally justify. This is why my project, 90DayJane, will be taken down in the next few days.
90DayJane was meant to mirror the tragic figure, Christine Chubbuck. Newscaster Christine Chubbuck committed suicide in 1974 by shooting herself in the head live on air. She was very vocal about her depression to those around her and gave every indication of her exact intentions leading up to the event. Sadly, no one reacted or helped Christine and those left behind could only ask “why”.
Her story both inspired and terrified me because I can truly empathize with her rage and even her isolation. I wondered how Christine’s life and subsequent suicide would play out in our time. Would the internet be yet another place of isolation to her or an escape? If she remained vocal about her intentions would anyone bother asking “why” or even noticing before the fact? Would the reaction (if any) of the public change her intentions?
I thought this mirror might reflect the isolation everyday people feel and the lack of true human connection on the internet.
It is my feeling that the internet is the best and worst example of human interaction. This was painfully proven to me by reading every comment and every email. I believe I owed that to everyone. I know we all saw the dark side of the reactions in the blog comments. There was so much hate, immaturity and apathy. But, I truly wish everyone could see the beauty and honesty in the emails; many people feel like Jane (me). People have been more real and heartfelt than I thought was possible. I owe them a debt of gratitude for showing me the difference between people’s reactions and their true feelings. I understand.
I do want everyone to know that I accepted no money for 90DayJane despite multiple offers from television, film, books, etc… I will not release my identity and I ask not to be contacted for any type of promotion. I want only for the people who wrote to me to know that I hear them and feel the same way. Your emails touched me so much. Please, share your thoughts with someone in your life or express them in a positive way.
To everyone, please reach out to those around you. It’s much harder to ask for help than to offer it.
It is really written by 90 Day Jane? I don’t know. Stylistically speaking, it looks right. Do phishers know about Christine Chubbuck? God knows I didn’t.
List by Tags [ blogging ]
||Something witty this way comes…|
1258 words / 3425