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[ Stories: Witch-Girl (Read from the bottom of the list), The Canon ] [ Poetry: All Poetry; ( ♥ ) ( ⚔ ) ]
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[ red_a02 ] Shuzhen – The first episode was a lot of fun, cos it had an interesting cocktail of sexual tension and smooth fight choreography. This episode is like the awkward aftermath...
27 Aquarius 13 18:13
[ vermilion_2 ] YAPX – I understand that most of your stories are dialogue-based and heavy on retorts and counter-retorts. This one felt unnecessarily circular. It starts with a cool premise: a killer/villain/vigilante uses Lent to swear off something that should be second nature to him (I suppose), and then talks about a story. The link between the two (giving up killing & the story) isn’t a 100% fit. Maybe instead of “let me tell you a story”, it could be “hey, you see I even passed a guy up for death today!” or equivalent. Something to drag Lorelei into the banter and the premise. // That’s my only complaint. I’m not a big fan of dialogue-based stories, but I can make a exception for this.
14 Aquarius 13 08:03
[ 130204 ] YAPX – Good pace, good characters, great dialogue. The thing I like best is a combination of the three: how you build up their pseudo-relationship through all that back-and-forth exchange. Somehow, you craft a unique, strange relationship: from any one point in the story, both of them are manipulative, victimised and hypocrites - though not all at once. // On word choices, I felt you could change the word “janitor” (“cleaner” or “uncle” would’ve given a different, but more acute local flavour to it). Mostly because, it’s connotes an added level of difference through: class. Whether or not you intended it, by portraying the “janitor” and “student” you bring out the fact that he’s stuck there socially in all sense of the word. It made the part where he says he reads books during weekends completely out-of-context and weird. // Also, there’s too much “sliding” in and out of the room. Not sure if that’s intentional repetition, or just a lack of other words. // I thought that the girl’s own background is pretty compelling. Even after everything, I can’t tell if she’s speaking the truth. Because I’m all for unreliable narrators and characters, I can still find her well-thought out. But other readers might lose patience or wonder at her sudden change of heart at the final moment.
04 Aquarius 13 08:48
So there I was on the streets of Siem Reap, talking to a tuk-tuk driver.
“Excuse me, good sir,” said I, “would you be so kind as to transport us in your quaint vehicle to the locale your wondrous people have so charmingly termed the ‘Old Market’? And, pray tell me how much this engaging of your services would set me back?”
“English?” he replied.
“No, I’m from Singapore, actually. But if you mean the language, instead of the people, why, yes, I do speak English. Ehrm, in fact, everything I’ve said, thus far, is very much in English.”
“English?” he repeated.
Obviously, I have failed to impress anything upon him. Fortunately, I have committed the teachings of the Speak Good English Movement into the chambers of my ♥, and I tried the second attack – inspiration!
“Hope?” I ventured.
He shook his head.
Again, he shook his head.
There was but one final attack – intoxication – but I’m not giving him my last can of beer, so fuck that.
Left with no other option, I flailed my hands around hopelessly like a little girl. After a minute, possibly out of pity – the Khmer are, as a whole, a kind and decent people – he tried communicating again, “You go where?”
“Old Market,” I said; in my shock, committing the grievous sin of speaking the Bad Singlish, as spoken by the Bad People.
“Three dollars,” he replied, this cultural exchange achieved, he smiled beatifically.
Oh my God! He understood me! But how can this be? Were we not told that Good English was “universally understood”?1 That Good English had such power of virtue as to allow anyone who studied it to channel the Good LORD and perform the Pentecostal Miracle?
Why, the language used was of a level no more difficult than that on the instructions of a common bacon dispenser!
Push Button. Receive Bacon.
My friends, I am sorry to say that we have been lied to. Good English isn’t “universally understood”, as we were promised, and our years of study have come to naught.
Or maybe it would have worked if I had given him a beer?Feetnote: 1 Yes, yes we were.
In case anyone doesn’t know, “Push Button. Receive Bacon.” is a meme (a tiny one), and not something I can claim credit for.
372 words / 1122
“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
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