Okay, I’m supposed to be skydiving (for my health), but, like thousands of nutcases everywhen, I’m going to risk my life because I’ve got something to say. re: Daphne, The dangers of meeting guys online –
When a girl finds a guy attractive enough to sleep with, does she think “I will fuck him” or does she think “I’ll let him fuck me.”?
Granting the existence of non-fictional Samantha Joneses out there, I think even they will accept that they’re in the minority. A girl’s idea of hitting on a man is to provide him with the opportunity to hit on her. They will simply give out signals and let the guy make the advance.
What people don’t seem to understand is that us men have no clue that signals are sent. If we’re expecting signals, and are actually paying attention to you while you ramble on and on (and on some more), we’re very likely to misinterpret signals. Dave Barry actually wrote a perfect column on this, but I can’t be bothered to find it, you can make do with this.
Personally, I’ve had a girl tell me that she was “giving me signals all night” (you wha?), another say, after First Contact, “what took you so long?” (I wha?), and another, years into a friendship, when the topic of sex came up, “oh, you could have slept with me any number of times, you were just always such a gentleman” (Wha wha?).
This is compounded by societal expectations. The stereotypes of girls as demure, and men as Master of All We Survey have a solid grounding in genetics (ie. are actual fact).
On a side note, if there’s any guy who doesn’t want Hebe, God called, he wants your penis back because you’re making his design look stupid. On another side note, Hebe really is rather too helpless. Girls should be independent and demure (I’d still date Hebe though).
On another another side note, every idiot who says such shit as “ohh, I don’t believe in stereotyping” is just plain stupid. You can’t function without generalizing, it’s how our minds work, Aristotle formalized it as science, and we’re still doing it (and I find the latest practice of real life “tagging” particularly dumb – though I’m sure I will find it very amusing if I could put little stickers of what I really think of people on them and they had to walk around with it). You really don’t believe in stereotypes? Go offer some pork to a Muslim. No? Why not? Afraid they’ll blow you up?
That said (and, oh, how I can go on about stereotypes and the assholes who believe too little or too much), with girls being submissive and men being God Anointed Rulers of All That Creepeth Upon the Earth (appointment letter ref: Gen 1:26), us men have to make a move at some point or we’ll be single forever, and the dishes DO pile up.
Further evidence comes in the form of pronouns. Males are “men”, even though we never stop being boys; Females are “girls”, even though they’re women (If you think literal girls are sexy, I’m sorry, but even therapy can’t help you).
The men who come off as perverts are just trying to navigate through this confusing landscape. I mean, some girls would be oh so happy if some guy turns up at her house with supper (stalker), some girls will be happy if a guy gets touchy feely in a cinema (sleazeball) , some girls will be happy if a guy sends “I miss you” messages via MSN or SMS or whatever (lame, with just a hint of despo). Note to girls; it’s not sexy when you place our hands under your blouse when we’re trying to watch a film, we can’t multi-task – that’s why we invented computers to do it for us.
These guys have employed their tactics successfully before, and are simply repeating it. Because they have no way of telling what to do.
I’m not sure why Daphne singled out guys online. How is it different from meeting a friend of a friend, or someone you work with? Or etc? Obviously, friend-of-a-friend comes with a recommendation, but Daphne mentions that she meets these guys in a group setting before going out 1v1.
However you know him, he could still be a rapist or a molester, a very high (I think >80%) of date rapes are committed by people who know the victim. However you know him, he could still be married, or lying or whatever other nonsense. However you know him, he could just be a generic loser.
Just make it clear before you meet a guy that it’s “not a date”, because “I’m not interested in you that way”, and, if he still wants to go out, then at least you told him first. Girls have to be absolutely unequivocal, because we have no clue.
And guys who hit on every girl are just sad. Come on man, standards are important.
Oh, and guys – are there even guys who read me? – the trick to not being a sleazeball is to simply be your usual attractive self until she invites herself over, sprawls herself on your bed, and starts to undress. THEN you can make a move.
To summarise: SIGNALS DO NOT WORK. Stop giving out hints, we will never EVER take them. Whether it’s yes or no, make it clear.
One final thing. I noticed on postsecret that some girls are secretly in love with some guys (possibly the same guy!) and can’t tell them. You really should. Either way, it’s better than not knowing.
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Wendy – this is a comment totally unrelated to your post. i have to tell you something! i've ALWAYS thought that you were a girl until someone on the forum mentioned you're a guy. the cat! the BUTTERFLIES! the anime! the lack of referring to yourself as a guy!!!!|
10 Aries 2k8 04:39
nocturne – If it makes you feel any better, I have a Hello Kitty 招財貓 looking down at me as I type this. I also love fairies (of the tiny naked female sort). (And you're so gonna love my next post.)
10 Aries 2k8 04:50
eStee – Love your blog post. Guys just don't get it, do they? haha
10 Aries 2k8 19:13
nocturne – No, eStee, *girls* don't get it. I can't believe I wrote all that and you still miss the point...
10 Aries 2k8 20:32
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