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[ Stories: Witch-Girl (Read from the bottom of the list), The Canon ] [ Poetry: All Poetry; ( ♥ ) ( ⚔ ) ]
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[ red_a02 ] Shuzhen – The first episode was a lot of fun, cos it had an interesting cocktail of sexual tension and smooth fight choreography. This episode is like the awkward aftermath...
27 Aquarius 13 18:13
[ vermilion_2 ] YAPX – I understand that most of your stories are dialogue-based and heavy on retorts and counter-retorts. This one felt unnecessarily circular. It starts with a cool premise: a killer/villain/vigilante uses Lent to swear off something that should be second nature to him (I suppose), and then talks about a story. The link between the two (giving up killing & the story) isn’t a 100% fit. Maybe instead of “let me tell you a story”, it could be “hey, you see I even passed a guy up for death today!” or equivalent. Something to drag Lorelei into the banter and the premise. // That’s my only complaint. I’m not a big fan of dialogue-based stories, but I can make a exception for this.
14 Aquarius 13 08:03
[ 130204 ] YAPX – Good pace, good characters, great dialogue. The thing I like best is a combination of the three: how you build up their pseudo-relationship through all that back-and-forth exchange. Somehow, you craft a unique, strange relationship: from any one point in the story, both of them are manipulative, victimised and hypocrites - though not all at once. // On word choices, I felt you could change the word “janitor” (“cleaner” or “uncle” would’ve given a different, but more acute local flavour to it). Mostly because, it’s connotes an added level of difference through: class. Whether or not you intended it, by portraying the “janitor” and “student” you bring out the fact that he’s stuck there socially in all sense of the word. It made the part where he says he reads books during weekends completely out-of-context and weird. // Also, there’s too much “sliding” in and out of the room. Not sure if that’s intentional repetition, or just a lack of other words. // I thought that the girl’s own background is pretty compelling. Even after everything, I can’t tell if she’s speaking the truth. Because I’m all for unreliable narrators and characters, I can still find her well-thought out. But other readers might lose patience or wonder at her sudden change of heart at the final moment.
04 Aquarius 13 08:48
I’ll be away for a few days, walking through Barabudur and pretending to be a monk soul brother. The last time I went away, to Angkor Wat, I came back with a bunch of words in my head and no computer to pour them into. This time, I am leaving with a bunch of words already in my head, and I might come back with less words, or more, or different ones; this makes me curious. In Thailand, I met Kinnaree, in Cambodia, Naga; in Indonesia, who knows? I’m thinking Garuda, but the pictures on wiki are all of Buddhas. It’s going to be interesting.
The following is a shot, a doodle, a ditty. I’m divided on posting it; on the one hand, it is more the climax of a story than an actual story, and I hope to some day weave it into a more complete work. On the other, well, it’s something for you to read.
I write these shots very quickly, usually in one sitting. Works like the Twos take weeks, and is very tiring. What I like about the shots are that they put an idea down. I write notes, but I have no idea what they mean when I read them again, because the words that made so much sense when I wrote them simply don’t anymore. So a shot is better than a note, but I don’t want to keep writing shots, or I’ll never get around to writing the longer, better stories.
People have been telling me to write. If you want me to continue writing, here is what I find helpful. Get me readers, tell your friends, share on the social network. Give me comments. It’s hard to know if the work does what it is supposed to; I tend towards relatively elaborate structures, and I am never sure that I manage to pull it off. The rules of decorum make it difficult to tell the creator what you think of his work. Discard that, be as harsh as you can, tell me what you think in the way you’d talk about a movie or a book. Tell me what you like, what you don’t, how you feel at the end. I can’t get into the perspective of a reader, and that makes it impossible to tell if the journey has gone as planned.
Besides True Love and Eternal Sunshine, all I want out of life is to write something that can make someone cry, or make someone literally utter to the computer screen, “Oh my God” or “What the fuck”. I truly want to write intricate beauty and the sweet torment of unattainable yearning, the deep depth of loss and the gratitude that springs from having had something to lose. I can’t do that yet, so I’ll settle for an OMGWTF.
466 words / 2987
13 A first sign of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die.
This life seems unbearable; another unattainable. One is no longer
ashamed of wanting to die; one begs to be moved out of the old cell,
which one hates, into a new one which one must first learn to hate.
One is also moved by a certain residual faith that, during transport,
the master will happen to come along the corridor, look at the prisoner and
say: “This man is not to be locked up again. He comes to me.”
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