[ BUY MY BOOKS! Witch-Girl Season One | The Bridge Across the Sky (Amazon) (Kobo) (Goodreads) ][ Stories: Witch-Girl (Read from the bottom of the list), The Canon ] [ Poetry: All Poetry; ( ♥ ) ( ⚔ ) ]
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[ red_a02 ] Shuzhen – The first episode was a lot of fun, cos it had an interesting cocktail of sexual tension and smooth fight choreography. This episode is like the awkward aftermath...
27 Aquarius 13 18:13
[ vermilion_2 ] YAPX – I understand that most of your stories are dialogue-based and heavy on retorts and counter-retorts. This one felt unnecessarily circular. It starts with a cool premise: a killer/villain/vigilante uses Lent to swear off something that should be second nature to him (I suppose), and then talks about a story. The link between the two (giving up killing & the story) isn’t a 100% fit. Maybe instead of “let me tell you a story”, it could be “hey, you see I even passed a guy up for death today!” or equivalent. Something to drag Lorelei into the banter and the premise. // That’s my only complaint. I’m not a big fan of dialogue-based stories, but I can make a exception for this.
14 Aquarius 13 08:03
[ 130204 ] YAPX – Good pace, good characters, great dialogue. The thing I like best is a combination of the three: how you build up their pseudo-relationship through all that back-and-forth exchange. Somehow, you craft a unique, strange relationship: from any one point in the story, both of them are manipulative, victimised and hypocrites - though not all at once. // On word choices, I felt you could change the word “janitor” (“cleaner” or “uncle” would’ve given a different, but more acute local flavour to it). Mostly because, it’s connotes an added level of difference through: class. Whether or not you intended it, by portraying the “janitor” and “student” you bring out the fact that he’s stuck there socially in all sense of the word. It made the part where he says he reads books during weekends completely out-of-context and weird. // Also, there’s too much “sliding” in and out of the room. Not sure if that’s intentional repetition, or just a lack of other words. // I thought that the girl’s own background is pretty compelling. Even after everything, I can’t tell if she’s speaking the truth. Because I’m all for unreliable narrators and characters, I can still find her well-thought out. But other readers might lose patience or wonder at her sudden change of heart at the final moment.
04 Aquarius 13 08:48
…more…
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poem – The Glass-Like Girl ♠ 31 Le♌ 11, Woden’s Day ♣ |  |
| The Glass-Like Girl 300811 ♥ This is the tale of the glass-like girl; visible to all the world, within her chest, for all to see, her crystal-heart beat lazily. The glass-like girl did meet a boy; and her crystal-heart, so full of joy, sent ribbons through her glass-like frame, in all the colours of his name. “I do love you,” says the boy; “My glass-like girl, my perfect toy. I’ll never leave you, never I, shall ever ever, let you cry.” Each smile they share, each sudden kiss, added to her time of bliss, and the glass-like girl, with her crystal-heart, never thinks they could fall apart. The glass-like girl did love her boy; and her crystal-heart, so full of joy, sent ribbons through her glass-like frame, in all the colours of his name. But time is unkind, to the glass-like girl, for all things change, as spins this world, and she and her boy did fight and fight, and her crystal-heart did lose its light. Her heart is darkened, he could see, and how he wishes they could be, the way they were, so soon before, but all things fail, and all things fall. To the glass-like girl, the boy did say, “I wish there was, another way, another way for you and me, another way that we could be.” Where once spread ribbons, curling bright, streaming, sparkling streams of light, now lies empty, the silent dark, the glass-like girl, her crystal-heart. The glass-like girl did love her boy; and her crystal-heart, devoid of joy, sits frozen within her glass-like frame, and she never thinks she could smile again. But time is kind, to the glass-like girl, for all things change, as spins this world, and dark to dim to almost-bright, her crystal-heart did regain its light. Her heart is bright now, all can see, though not as bright as it could be, but no rainbows come without the rain, and even the glass-like girl can smile again. This is the tale of the glass-like girl; visible to all the world, (which girl is not a glass-like girl; visible to all the world?) within her chest, for all to see, her crystal-heart beat lazily. ♥ |
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354 words / 1437
shop@noctalis
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“Pooh, promise you won’t ever forget about me, ever? Not even when I’m a hundred?”
Pooh thought for a little…
“How old shall I be then, Piglet?”
“Ninety-nine.”
Pooh nodded. “I promise.”
